Live your Life not Die your Death

All the pivotal points in my life are imprinted on my brain as clearly as they day they occurred. Each changed me in one way or another. As I truly believe that we are masters of our own destiny, if I am on a path that I do not like the path then I get off it. But how do you get off a path when you have no idea where it is heading? Do you leap into the bushes and hope?

Which pivot had the most devastating effect on me. Was it spending my thirtieth birthday in a potting shed in torrential rain thinking my life was sinking into the mud that was forming outside? Was it the night I stood leaning against a lamppost at 2 am making promises to myself that I was not sure I could keep? Was it the day my life started to come together as a mature student. Or, was it the day that my life fell apart again?

I sat in the waiting room as they told me to do. I was only there to collect a prescription. Silly me. Life is never than simple. They had stopped me from leaving. “Doctor wants to see you, please wait,” said the receptionist without looking at me. There was a sticker on my notes. Was it a sunny sticker of sunshine or a bilious sticker of doom. Time would tell. Or at least it would if I held myself together and did not rush outside screaming.

My name was called. I went through the door indicated and sat down again, unsure of why I was there
“You’ve had an MRI scan,” said the voice that emanated from the twelve-year-old girl behind the desk.
“Yes. They said I’ve had a stroke but I certainly can’t remember having it.”
“You’ve not had a stroke. You have multiple sclerosis”.
“Why lie?”
“Well they cannot fix it so they try not to worry you. Most people can’t stand the truth but I knew you would never forgive me if I lied to you.”
“What’s the prognosis.?”
“Good. You’ve come this far but at some time you are likely get pneumonia. If we don’t treat it then you can die peacefully.” I liked that idea. It was infinitely more comforting than the prospect of being incontinent and incapable.

Over the next six months I read everything I could about Multiple Sclerosis and osmosed every symptom into my psyche. I went downhill fast. Then I had a Eureka moment. Before I knew I was ill, I had climbed Kilimanjaro, gained a Master’s Degree and trekked through Northern India so why should knowing I was ill make any difference. My mental state had to be destroying my physical being.

The pathway to a miserable life was not the one I wanted so I set about ditching it. Instead of wailing in self-pity, I trekked through South East Asia and settled in Egypt. Much better than the alternative.

Live your life you only get one go at it.